This morning, after receiving news of a couple of sick kids not able to attend class today, I made an executive decision to cancel school. I'd been in prayer about a day off for myself to settle the disquiet in my spirit, to get anchored to the One Who Provides.
In the quiet I became aware of the Lord speaking about the end of this career of teaching, and I realized that fear is the source of the unsettling, the disquiet. What will I do with my time? How will I remain focused and not end up puttering away at not much of anything, leading a life lacking purpose? When the gnawing begins with, "What shall I do today? What shall I eat today? Who will I spend time with today?" I can trust that there ARE things to do; I don't have to eat my way through the day; and God will provide activities, events, and people. He will continue to have a purpose for me. And what's wrong with some down time anyway...in order to ponder these questions?
God has led me well this past year in focusing on exercise and weight loss, in teaching a crew of fine Christian kids, in giving me women who desire a Spiritual Life Coach so that we can all Live Like We Mean It!
So, I got a Word (or Words) this morning. "YES! I am calling you to retirement, not right away, but soon. And I want you to continue coaching, and I want you to consult with home-school mothers about teaching methods, and I want you to lead students from time to time in some projects...those things you love so much." End of conversation!
God talks to me; does He talk to you?
The feeling of relief and genuine longing for retirement is free to grow now. There is no fear or reluctance. And I'm excited.
I get excited easily, so I'll make a small pot of tea right now, and I'll contemplate the future; I'll ponder these things in my heart while I am home on this frigid day by myself!